


always be the same | misooshu

by dumplingcheeks



Series: Soojin x (G)-Idle One Shots [27]
Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Angst, Bottom Seo Soojin, Cheating, F/F, Girl Penis, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Mildly Dubious Consent, Misoo Centric, Past Cho Miyeon/Seo Soojin, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Past Relationship(s), Seo Soojin-centric, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Top Cho Miyeon, Top Yeh Shuhua
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:01:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28568916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumplingcheeks/pseuds/dumplingcheeks
Summary: just gonna drop it here that all of the chapters will include past toxic relationship, implied drug use, mention of suicidal thoughts, and others that for some will be triggering. for this, i had a trigger warning on the story.past will be written in italic, whilst present is in normal text.
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Seo Soojin, Cho Miyeon/Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Series: Soojin x (G)-Idle One Shots [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1911964
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> just gonna drop it here that all of the chapters will include past toxic relationship, implied drug use, mention of suicidal thoughts, and others that for some will be triggering. for this, i had a trigger warning on the story.
> 
> past will be written in italic, whilst present is in normal text.

_"What are you doing?"_

_"What am I doing?" Miyeon smiled, tracing her finger against Soojin's exposed thigh. Even in the dark, Miyeon still did shine the way she always have. Soojin thinks some people are just born with a spotlight. "You know very well that I'm here to own my pretty little vixen. Aren't you in need of me too, my love?"_

_"Miyeon, you're not in your right state of mind right now."_

_"Pfft." Miyeon laughed silly. "But that was never a problem, Soojin. Why are you suddenly rejecting my offer to fuck you? Do you want to get a head first? Come on now, don't act as if you won't bitch about not having my fingers deep in you every once in a week."_

_"What are you talking about?" Soojin dared to ask, looking deep into Miyeon's eyes, although the older's never focused on hers. "Miyeon, we're still young. I don't want our relationship to be just sex. I want a future, not just this."_

_"But love, this is just about sex. Isn't it? Don't tell me you don't enjoy that kind of company." Miyeon whispered, slipping her hand into Soojin pajamas. Her lips curved into a smile at the discovery of Soojin's soaked panties. "You submit almost too easily, too. Are you sure you want to stop? Because your body reacts the opposite, darling."_

_Miyeon received a firm slap on the cheek. "Stop." Soojin lets out. For the first time, Soojin decided to do something that would be good for her for once. "Let's break up. I don't want to keep doing this." Then she leaves their shared apartment and stayed at Soyeon and Minnie's until she found a new roommate._

"Everything is going good with my life now. I've been sober for almost 8 years, just thought you should know." Miyeon smiled softly. Once again, she bloomed with flowers. Last time Soojin saw this was when they were riding their bicycle by the park, and Miyeon being herself fell in the fountain. Soojin never knew someone could smile as beautiful until Miyeon.

"Good for you." Soojin smiled. "As you already know, I'm engaged now. I'll be married to the woman I promised to spend the rest of my life with in a month. We've been together for a little over the year now, and we've known each other for 2."

"That soon?" Miyeon asked, chuckling a bit.

Soojin took it as an insult that she quickly retaliated. "Why? Do you have a problem with that?"

"No. Of course no." Miyeon smiled, a bit amused at how the younger took her reaction. "You had a 5 year rule. But thinking about that now, it was when you were still in highshool. A lot of things could change in 8 years." The older commented, nodding to herself.

"You don't even remember half of the shit going on. You were high most of the time-" Soojin stopped herself when Miyeon stared at her to finish. "I'm sorry. I went a little overboard with that."

"No, it's okay. I'm fine joking about it now. Trust me." Miyeon smiled again. Soojin swears the older woman must be on something. Miyeon didn't smile this much the whole time they were together. "And I'm happy for you. I admit that I'm still a bit riled up inside since I'm not used with you being with someone else, but that's just my selfishness. I geniunely want you to be happy, Soojin. You deserve it."

"That's a lie. Isn't it?" Soojin whispered. Miyeon narrows her eyebrows as she looks at the younger woman. "You were the worst person I've ever met, Miyeon. You messed me up. You didn't only ruin yourself when you decided to get high on drugs, you dragged me along with you and destroyed half of me."

"Hi, mom. Have you seen Soojin?" Soojin heard her fiancée from afar that she quickly shut her mouth.

"She was with a guest just a second ago. I think she went towards the comfort room."

"Thank you." Soojin heard the younger thanking her mother that she quickly, in the most cliché way posible, pulled Miyeon in the cubicle with her.

"Don't even say a single word." Soojin warned the older woman before turning her attention to the noise outside.

"Soojin! Are you here, baby?" She hears her fiancée calling out her name that she unconsciously cursed under her breath as she tightened her grip around the knob. Soojin doesn't even know why the hell she's hiding when she didn't even do anything wrong yet. At least she hopes she doesn't. When she heard Shuhua's footsteps toning down, she lets out a sigh as she turned her gaze to Miyeon.

"Why are you even here?" Soojin decides to ask. "Who invited you?"

"Your fiancée." Miyeon answered truthfully. "We met at a grocery store one time, and she gave me an invitation to your engagement party."

"Did you even tell her your name?" Soojin asked. Miyeon nods her head. "I'm the one who didn't tell her who you are, I'm the idiot one." She groaned. "Why did you have to come here then? I know you saw my name on the invitation card, so why?"

"I don't know. I guess part of me wanted to see how you are and how you have been while I was gone."

"Well I've been amazing, no thanks to you."

"I wanted to say my sorry too." Miyeon starts. "I was horrible to you. I was never good, and never gave you anything good in return for all the nice things you've done for me. I was a bad girlfriend, I realize that now." She paused. "I actually came back here thinking I could have a second shot with you, but then I met Shuhua and she gave me the invitation to my lost love's engagement party."

"What are you trying to do to me again, Miyeon?" Soojin starts. "I have a good thing going on with Shuhua. We have a really amazing thing going, and I've never been with someone who accepted me for who I am and loved me despite my missing pieces. We're getting married for pete's sake, yet here you are suddenly appearing right in front of me in the image of the Miyeon I fell in love with 10 years ago. Don't mess this up, please."

"Soojin, I'm not here to destroy anything. I promise you that. I'm just here to congratulate you, that's my only intention."

Soojin decides to risk everything as she pushed Miyeon slightly against the wall and crashed their lips together into a soft peck. Miyeon decides to drop everything she promised when she turned their position, pushing Soojin gently against the cubicle wall as she takes the younger's lips between hers. Every wall Soojin worked hard building for 8 years now dropped and fall into nothing as she moans into the kiss, almost automatically grinding her hips against Miyeon's "I hate you." Soojin whispered, biting a whimper when Miyeon took her bottom lip, the older slipping her knee between Soojin's thighs in process as she takes the younger's lip between her teeth.

Soojin lets Miyeon take her home and own her for the whole night. Soojin promised herself not do it again.


	2. Chapter 2

Soojin's feet were cold as she rang the doorbell to her shared apartment with Shuhua.

It was just a mistake, she tries to tell herself despite enjoying every second of Miyeon's warmth the night before. It won't happen again, Soojin desperately convinced herself. Her hand is promised to someone new already. To Shuhua. Soojin met this amazing person after having to go through hell to get over Miyeon.

"Love." Shuhua greets her with a smile. The younger woman's hair was dishelved, her flannel unbuttoned halfway the top that showed her cleavage. Right, Soojin thinks. Why would she ever leave and destroy her relationship with this gorgeous woman for the one that broke her apart? "Where were you last night? The party was just about to end, and I didn't see my beautiful wife to be at the end of it. Were you with a friend, my love?"

Soojin nods her head, her tongue still in a knot. She can't lie for shit. "Y-Yeah, I was with Yuqi."

"Yuqi?" Shuhua questioned, a small pout hanging on her lips. "Yuqi was there. She drove your family home." The younger says, looking a bit doubtful as she stares at the older woman. "And what are those-" Shuhua points out the red marks around Soojin's neck and collarbone that looked very much like hickeys. Shuhua shakes her head. It's not like Soojin would ever fool around behind her. "I should've picked a better venue. The place was full of mosquitoes. I'm sorry, love."

"Y-Yes. That is what these are- mosquito bites, yes."

"Do you have some rubbers?"

"W-What?" Miyeon questioned, still in a daze as Soojin grinds against her hips deliciously.

"Condoms, Miyeon. Don't tell me you don't have any. I'm not gonna let you fuck me raw."

"Oh, yeah. I have some in the drawers."

"So who picked you up?"

"Soyeon." Soojin smiled. "I got their names mixed up again. You know how close the name Yuqi is to Soyeon." Soojin laughed nervously. She hopes the younger woman would buy her excuse. "Soyeon picked me up to make it up to me for being late. We had a couple of drinks."

Shuhua nods her head, buying her fiancée's excuse as she lets Soojin in.

Soojin sighs as she steps inside the tub. "Why on earth did I let her have her way with me again?" She whispers as she mentally slaps herself. "And Shuhua..." Soojin muttered under her breath. Soojin promised Shuhua and herself to be loyal and a good wife for the younger woman.

"It was just a mistake. Shuhua doesn't need to know." She agreed with herself, completely focused in her thoughts that she didn't hear the door opening. "S-Shu- You didn't hear anything, right?" Soojin almost jumped out of the tub.

"Hear what?" Shuhua asked, confused as she chuckles a bit at how jumpy the older woman is. "Move a bit, honey." The younger said as she disregards her clothes. Soojin gulped at the scene before her. "My eyes are up here, sweetie." Shuhua grinned. Soojin rolled her eyes playfully as Shuhua steps behind her.

Soojin shivered as she felt the younger's cock rested between her bottom. "S-Shu." The older stutters as Shuhua starts to leave soft kisses across her neck. "We can't do it here. I-It's hard to clean."

"I'll clean it for you, my love. I just miss you right now. I know we promised not to have sex again until our honeymoon, but I need to touch you right now. I want you, my love." Soojin reminds herself to take an afterpill after this.

Soojin wakes up in Miyeon's embrace. Everything was a mess. She was a mess. Her relationship with Shuhua is about to be in a big mess the moment she leaves the older woman's place.

Soojin bites her bottom lip at the sight of the used condoms thrown at random places in the room. It's not even on Miyeon, since Soojin is the one who whines at Miyeon to just throw them anywhere as she slips another condom on Miyeon's cock and let the older sink deep in her again.

The younger doesn't even bother waking up Miyeon as she slips out of the older's embrace.

"God, I'm such a slut." Soojin whispers to herself after drinking the afterpill.

"You're pretty grumpy today, did they ask for you at work again?" Her fiancée asked. "You can skip work. You're still on your leave afterall." Shuhua says as she takes a sit in front of the older woman.

"You know what, I'm just gonna pay them a visit." Soojin says as she takes her keys from the drawer.

"Okay. Call me when you get home!" Shuhua adds just before Soojin could close the door.

"I like you, Seo Soojin. I think I've always liked you." Miyeon confessed to her at the age of 19, whilst Soojin was 18. Soojin would say she'd been in love with the older when she was 18, except that Miyeon was her crush even when she was 16, ever since the older woman transferred to their school.

Soojin should've seen the signs when Miyeon started to hangout with bad people in college. Sometimes she'd blame herself that she couldn't save the older woman. It wasn't her fault. She wasn't to blame. It was hard to carry as an 18 year old in second year of college. Soojin shouldn't have given her first to Miyeon at 17 even before they became girlfriends, maybe then she wouldn't have been this attached to the older woman.

Soojin tried to settle everything once and for all. Soojin tried to change one thing that she couldn't do over the years; To talk rather than to run away. She realized she'll end up nowhere if she doesn't settle things with Miyeon first before she finally gives herself, heart and soul to Shuhua.

The wife to be knocks on her ex's door, pretty determined on her goal until Miyeon did open the door, and Soojin's the one to initiate another kiss. Miyeon only pulled the younger in her home as she shuts the door close with her foot, almost even stumbling as she pushes Soojin against it. Soojin moans into the kiss as Miyeon lifted the younger's leg, pushing her knee between Soojin's thighs, rubbing the younger's lower region.

Soojin pulled her phone from her purse, quickly dialing Soyeon's number as Miyeon unbuttons her flannel- Well Shuhua's flannel that she didn't even bother changing into something else. "S-Soyeon." Soojin tries to contain her moans. "If Shuhua asks f-for me, tell her I'm with you. T-Thanks!" Soojin dropped her phone, and she thanks God that the screen isn't broken as the older sets her goal on Soojin's lips again.

Miyeon would ask and worry about the girl she befriended, but her greed got the best of her as she pulls the younger's pants down and freed her cock out of its confine. "I might need to buy another box of condoms if this continues." She whispers into the kiss as she palms the younger's ass.

"Did you use the previous ones on other girls?" Soojin whimpered when she felt Miyeon's raw cock slip between her thighs, rubbing it against her bare, soaked pussy.

"That was Fuckface's, love." Miyeon smiled into the kiss. "You do know how much of a freeloader she can be." Miyeon says before pulling the girl gently towards the room. "I'm all yours, Soojin. There's no need to worry about anyone else."

Maybe except for one person, Soojin thinks.

The younger's thoughts are clouded as she feels Miyeon's lips on hers again.

Soojin hated that her relationship with Miyeon turned into just sex, and just to use each other to seek warmth and comfort that they could never have by simply holding each other close. Maybe Soojin just denied the truth and actually believed they were in love when they're just messed up young adults.

Soojin thinks it's the same cycle over again, and she's fine with it now. It's familiar. She thinks it's home.

Miyeon wakes up in the afternoon without Soojin beside her again. Now she knows how the younger felt whenever she'd leave at dawn; Just a convenient whenever she was bored and in need of something new or something familiar.

"Fuckface, open the door!"

"I said no, Miyeon. And for pete's sake I have a name, you know. It's Minnie incase you forgot." Miyeon could hear the irritation in Minnie's voice. "And I'm not gonna sell you any more drugs. I'm a new person now, and you should change yourself too."

"Soojin broke up with me." Miyeon says just before her voice finally break.

Minnie opens the door as soon as she heard the older woman. "Hey..." The younger trailed off. "It's okay. When was this?" 

"Just a week ago." Miyeon takes her bottom lip between her teeth, as if it would stop the tears already pouring down her cheeks. "After that, everything was just a blur because I was high again the whole week. When I woke up sober, I realized that it wasn't the drugs that made me happy. It was Soojin, and I fucked that up."

"Why don't you come inside and we can talk about this?"

"No. I just need to get high again so I can stop thinking about it. I hate the feeling I get whenever I remember how she left."

"Miyeon, that's the problem." Minnie starts. "Look, I have not taken any addictive drug for 4 years now, and I managed to get by. I even got myself used to peeing at least 5 times a day."

"I'm not here to talk about your pee, Fuckface."

"Okay, you caught me having sex once." Minnie said before shaking her head. "Look, what I'm to say is, fix yourself first before attemping to make amends with Soojin. Make up for the times you threw away."

"I threw away?!" Miyeon emphasized the pronoun. "She's the one who left. She should be the one sorry, not me."

"Miyeon." Minnie lifted her eyebrows.

Miyeon gulped as she takes a seat on the couch. "I broke her. I broke my Soojin's heart."

"Hey, it's never too late to fix yourself first and chase her to prove how much you love her."

"I never told her I loved her. That's the problem." Miyeon looks down, reflecting on every little mistakes she's done while sober. "I never made her feel loved. In fact, I made her feel like someone I just past the time with."

"Is what I'm doing the right thing?" Miyeon questioned herself as she stared at the ceiling. She ignores the inner guilt eating her up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment your thoughts about this chapter, i love reading them. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Soyeon picks up her friend at the McDonald's the moment she heard about Soojin's affair. Soyeon definitely does not support Soojin, but she's still her best friend. It's kind of messed when Soyeon thinks about it, considering Shuhua is her friend too, and Miyeon used to be as well.

"What on earth happened? I couldn't attend one event in your life, and suddenly you're having an affair with your ex? I mean, don't you love Shuhua? Why is Miyeon suddenly back in the picture? I thought you'll never let her in your life again? What changed your mind? Soojin-"

"Okay, too many questions for someone who skipped my engagement party." Soojin cuts her off. "I don't know what came into me. I just saw Miyeon... and something just clicked in me and I kissed her. Now I've had sex with her twice behind Shuhua's back."

"Are you guys getting back together?" Soyeon questioned. "Because if you are, just tell Shuhua."

"It's not as easy as you make it to be." Soojin sighed.

"Look. Soojin, you're my friend and I love you so much. But I can't condone this. You know how much I hate cheating. God, I did not expect to witness something like this personally, and it's my best friend." Soyeon shakes her head. "You need to tell Shuhua as early as now. It will hurt her more to hear your little cheating ass from someone else."

"Are you gonna tell her?" Soojin asked, a bit shaken up.

"No, I'm not gonna tell her. Though it would put her out of the inevitable misery sooner, I can't do that her. It would hurt her less if it came from you. She would feel a little better to know that you still have the heart to think about her. You know how much Shuhua loves you."

"I know." Soojin sighed, pushing her face in her palms as she exaggerated a groan. "I just, I don't know how to tell her. I want to break it off with Miyeon. Trust me, I really do. And it's not like I still love Miyeon. I have Shuhua, and she's everything I could ever dream of."

"But she's not Miyeon, is she?" Soojin couldn't answer that. "Soojin, no matter how much you try to deny it, we both know you're still in love with Miyeon. I'm not saying this because I tolerate what you're doing to Shuhua right now, but you have a choice to make. Whether you leave the past along with Miyeon in it and be with Shuhua, or break it off with Shuhua and tell Miyeon how you feel. It's that simple."

"It's not that simple, Soyeon. I know I must be shit and talking gibberish right now, but I can't lose Shuhua. She's the only person who loved me and made me happy because of her genuine love. Miyeon is just someone I used to love. Nothing less, nothing more."

"Then why are you sleeping with Miyeon when you have a girl at home waiting for you?" Soojin remained quiet. "And you keep saying that you can't lose Shuhua because she's the only who loved you and made you happy, you never said you loved her back. I thought you hated Miyeon because you're exactly how Shuhua was. Kinda ironic that you're doing the exact same thing Miyeon did to you in the past." Soojin couldn't even bring herself to say anything. "Cat got your tongue, Soojin?" Soyeon sighed, putting a few dollars on the table. "Call me when you're done thinking. And please, next time you decide to pay another little visit to Miyeon, make sure to at least bring your purse."

"I didn't know you were home already." Shuhua says the moment Soojin walked out of their bedroom, still drying her hair. "And you've been taking a lot of showers. Should I call you Seo Shower from now on? Oh wait, Yeh-Seo Soojin. We'll hyphenate our last name after our honeymoon, just like you wanted. By then, I can finally call you my wonderful wife with the marriage contract. Yuqi would still tease me about it, but I don't really care about that frog." Shuhua rolled her eyes at the thought of her best friend teasing her for being such a simp.

Soojin hangs the towel on a chair as she walks towards Shuhua. The younger woman looks at her lovingly with innocent, doll eyes, and Soojin couldn't feel any more guilty knowing that she will be the cause of the inevitable chaos in those beautiful eyes.

Soojin placed herself on her fiancée's lap, and Shuhua happily pulled her closer as the younger turns off the television. "What's wrong, baby?"

"Nothing." Soojin whispered, hiding her face in the crook of Shuhua's neck. "I just love you." Soojin thinks she's just bringing herself to say it, but Shuhua deserves it. Shuhua deserves to hear that the person she's in love with loves her back. "I love you, Shuhua."

Shuhua smiled, although she's twirling inside already. "I love you too, babe." The younger sighed, loving the feeling of the older against her. That's right, Shuhua thinks to herself. Soojin would never do anything that would hurt her. Soojin loves her back afterall.

"I'm sorry, Shuhua."

"What are you sorry for, baby?"

"I'm sorry for my shortcoming. I promise I'll do better from now on."

"Hey, you're already doing amazing, my love. And it drives me crazier about you." Soojin only holds tighter onto Shuhua as she kisses the younger's skin softly. Not in the matter that drives Shuhua crazy sexually, but a kiss that would make her feel appreciated. Shuhua lets her fiancée rest on her lap, brushing Soojin's hair every now and then as she showers the older woman with butterfly kisses.

Shuhua drives to the diner where she first met Miyeon again, and she smiled when she saw the older woman in the last row. "Hi. Thanks for making time for me again." The younger said as she takes the seat in front of Miyeon.

"Anytime." Miyeon smiled back. "Are you still taking your prescribed drugs or did you throw them away again?"

"I'm still taking them, don't worry." Shuhua smiled. "Have you ordered already?" She questioned.

"Not yet. I got here only a few minutes before you."

"Then we should order now. What would you like?"

"Did you tell Soojin?"

"Tell Soojin about what?"

"That you almost drank alcoholic drinks again after being sober for 4 years and quit antidepressants without informing anyone for a month until now?"

"That's a long ass question." The younger chuckled. "But no. Soojin has a lot of things in her plate right now, especially with our wedding counting days." Shuhua smiled, a bit hesitant. "And I'm not really in my right state of mind right now. I get all crazy that Soojin might be cheating on me with someone better. Sometimes I even refuse to accept that it's just all in my head."

Miyeon was coughing nonstop after what the younger has to share.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" The younger questioned. "Because it's looking like you're dying."

"Fuck off, asshole." The older woman cussed, just before taking a huge gulp from her bottled water.

"But thank you for lying to Soojin about the "thing." Grocery store is a lame excuse, especially since I've never gone to get groceries on my own, but it's enough. Have you two always been close by the way?"

"Oh, we were schoolmates back in the day." Miyeon smiled.

Shuhua hummed. "Shall we order?"

"Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just resurrected after being dead because of idle's comeback. i admit i was a little dissatisfied with shuhua's lines, but the girls got their number 1's so i feel a little bit better. for the b-sides, my favorite song is definitely dahlia. i like where is love as well, much as moon. comment your thoughts about this chapter, i love reading them. :)


	4. Chapter 4

Soojin gathers her courage as she stood in front of Miyeon's door.

It felt like when she first got to her shared apartment with the older woman; Nervous, happy, and excited. But in this case, she wasn't gonna spend her life with Miyeon. She's gonna leave her past for the woman she promised to love in the present.

"Soojin..." Miyeon greets her. Soojin froze. Is this where she's going to leave Miyeon for good when the older woman looks like the person she wants to spend her life with? "Are you okay, babe?"

"I came here to talk to you about this." Soojin starts. "What we're doing to Shuhua, because my guilt is eating me up, and I don't want Shuhua to be hurt the most. She's an incredible person, and I don't want to be the one to put a scar on her. I hope you get what I'm trying to say."

"Shuhua is an amazing friend." Miyeon smiled. "I just can't believe I'm going to lose you for the second time. It's selfish for me to say this, but I thought I had a chance. Thank you for thinking about Shuhua and what is right, Soojin." Miyeon said, giving Soojin a pat on the head that she always does whenever she was proud of the younger woman. Soojin always hated it because it made her feel like a dog, but she's always loved it secretly, especially when Miyeon looks at her always with that warm smile everytime she pats the top of Soojin's head.

"Will you leave again?" Soojin asked.

"Soon." Miyeon said, guiding Soojin inside her home. "I still need to help fuckface with her new business. Well, Minnie." Miyeon chuckled a bit. "She's opening another one, and it involves her cooking. Minnie actually told me to ask you if you wanted to do part-time every now and then. She said she missed your cooking."

"What happened to you back then? You know, why you started to take addictive drugs."

"Oh, that." Miyeon nodded her head slightly as she took the space beside Soojin on the couch. "I got a call that my parents were involved in a car accident. They didn't survive." The older shared. "So whenever it was hollidays, I would actually lie to you and drive straight to Minnie's."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Soojin questioned, gulping. That's right. The younger woman never really knew Miyeon at all. The older woman was always smiling and acted like nothing ever wrong is going on with her life. Maybe Soojin thought Miyeon was the exact opposite of her that she fell in love with her.

"I didn't want it to ruin our relationship, but I managed to break us up still." Miyeon sighed. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you anything. I promised I would be honest with you, yet I couldn't do that too. I guess I was really shit that time."

"Well, you were in a pretty shitty time."

That made Miyeon laugh a bit. "I think it's both." The older woman smiled. "But thank you for making me realize that I needed help. Like, professional help. If you didn't leave me, I would've never admitted to myself that I was broken." Miyeon pats the younger woman's head again. "Now you found someone, and you're getting married. I hope she won't be me." The older woman rubs her thumb softly against Soojin's cheek. "You deserve the best. You've been through enough, love."

"What's the first thing you took?"

"What thing?"

"Drug."

"Oh." Miyeon nodded her head again. "I smoked a little bit of weed, then I grew addicted to it I guess. When I was high, I couldn't think about anything else. I would forget about the way I felt when I first received a toy on my fifth birthday from my parents. I couldn't think straight, so I didn't have to keep thinking about being alone."

Soojin nods her head to encourage Miyeon to continue.

"I tried a lot of drugs. Those I would take from my nose, smoked and even injected right into my veins." Miyeon continued. "I was mostly into cocaine. I couldn't go through a week without snorting one." Miyeon smiled as she pulled her sleeve up, just above her elbow. "You see this mark here?" Miyeon pointed. "My veins collapsed. The doctor said I was lucky that I got help sooner, because if not, I might have damaged it more. I couldn't listen to the next things she said. I was just twirling in happiness that I survived."

"Who paid for your hospital bills?"

"Fuckface helped me through it, and the little money that my parents left. I spent almost half of it on drugs and my tuition fees. The moment I got out, we were just working part-time nonstop. I couldn't go back to school because I thought it was better if I kept working. I guess Minnie was mostly my savior. Although I can never admit that to her because then she'll cry to me for straight ten hours. I can't deal with that." Miyeon said, shaking her head at the awkward thought.

"Does Minnie know about us?"

"No." Miyeon said. "I figured you didn't want anyone to know."

"I told Soyeon about it. I can't tell Yuqi any shit. You know how she is. She would be joking, and the next second she's spilling everything that were supposed to be secrets. That's how I found out that Shuhua was gonna propose to me. I just pretended I didn't."

"Be honest with her. I know I'm not one to talk, but I can't let you go through the same thing again because I wasn't the person you could tell everything to." Miyeon chuckled. "I'm so opinionated right now. Don't listen to half of the shit I say." Miyeon pursed her lips together. "Will you tell her when you get home?"

Soojin never really recognized her "home" with Shuhua exactly home. Soojin wanted to have a small studio, where she could write songs that she will probably not let anyone hear. But Soojin couldn't tell Shuhua that. She just couldn't be honest with things sometimes. Especially when it involves something she loves that mostly she's not good at even. And the dogs needed a play room, there's that. "It's the right thing to do."

"I can drive you there."

"It's okay. I brought my car with me. And it's better if she only sees me."

"Okay. Well, um, goodbye then." Miyeon said, following the younger woman when Soojin stood up.

Just as Soojin was about to leave, the older woman offered a handshake while she leaned in, about to kiss Miyeon's cheek. Soojin took a step back, embarrassed. "I'm sorr-"

Miyeon initiated a kiss on Soojin's cheek nine years later. The last time she kissed the younger woman's cheek was when she was 19, and she kissed her for the last time at 28. It's crazy how years pass, Miyeon thinks as she pulls away from Soojin.

"Will I see you again?" The younger woman asked.

"I hope." Miyeon smiled. "But we can throw everything away if you don't want to."

"Yeah..." Soojin trailed off, eyes pausing at Miyeon's lips. Soojin shakes her head. "Why are you surprisingly so calm about this?" Soojin thought she was the one who can tolerate pain well, never knew it was Miyeon.

"Breaking down will not do anything, would it?" Miyeon questioned. Soojin looked down. "I can't beg for you to love me again, Soojin. But I'm thankful that even once, maybe twice, you loved me. That's enough for me."

"I need to ask this still because I might regret it if I never got an answer." Soojin gathered her courage. "Did you ever love me?"

"That goes without saying-"

"I need you to say it." Soojin begged. "I want to know what I have been angry for all these years. I need some kind of release, Miyeon. Please let me have that at least before you let me leave you."

"I did. I still do, so much." Miyeon released a sigh, a bit shaky. "So much that I might bang my head the second you leave my door because I let you go even though that's the right thing to do. That's a dramatic thing to say but it's nothing but the truth."

The younger woman doesn't even know why, but it brings her back to when she first moved in her shared apartment with Miyeon in college, when they danced in the kitchen as if it's a dance floor with no music on. Just the sound of their hearts beating against their chest. Soojin thinks they were in love, at least she was very much.

Soojin loved the way Miyeon looks at her, loved the feeling that Miyeon loved her back. Soojin loved loving Miyeon. Soojin loves everything about Miyeon even when she experienced the worst by sticking by.

"You never said you loved me."

"I know."

"You made me feel bad about myself and insecure of every girl you hang-out with because I never got the assurance that you were mine and I was yours."

"I know."

"You broke me." The younger woman's voice break.

"I know." Miyeon whispered. "And I'll never stop being sorry for everything that I've done." The older woman said, her voice a bit shaky. "You don't have to forgive me now because we both know I don't deserve it. You have every right to cut me off your life if you think that's the best thing to do now."

"Is it?"

"You're the only one who can answer that, Soojin." Miyeon smiled at the younger woman. "Just know that I'll support you either way."

"Did you OD?"

"Overdosed?" Miyeon questioned. Soojin nodded her head slightly. "No. I've never gone that far." Miyeon smiled. "Now stop worrying that I might do drugs again, because I won't."

"I guess this is really goodbye then." Soojin says as she took a step closer to the older woman. Miyeon's smile faded a little when she felt Soojin's lips against her cheek. "Goodbye, Miyeon. I hope this won't be the last."

And Soojin leaves the room, and Miyeon's all alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who would you like soojin to end up with? comment your thoughts about this chapter, i love reading them.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey, I bought soy garlic fried chicken for us to eat. I tried cooking it myself, but it was a disaster. I think you can tell by the way the kitchen smells right now. But hey, I baked the dessert." Shuhua greets her with a smile.

"Your chocolate mousse cake?" The older woman questioned, a bit in a daze when Shuhua planted a chaste kiss against her lips.

"Yes." The younger woman responded. "I know how much you love it. And it's one of the few dishes I could actually cook. I'm still trying though. By the time we're married, I'll be a pro." Shuhua grinned. Soojin worried that might never happen.

"I-I have something to tell you." Soojin starts. "It's really important."

"Sure. I'll get the plates first so that-"

"No- I mean, I want you to know this first. I can't hide it from you any longer." Shuhua lifts an eyebrow as she leaned against the dining table to listen to what the older woman has to say. "I did something back, really bad. I didn't know how to tell you- I don't want to hurt you, but that's quiet impossible now."

"It's okay. We all have our secrets. I don't think it will be that bad-"

"I slept with someone else."

Shuhua froze. It took her a while to even meek a stutter. "W-What?"

Soojin gulped. She knew whatever she was about say now is just adding fuel to the fire. "You remember the ex I was talking about?" Shuhua nods her head slightly. "The night at our engagement party... I went with Miyeon back to her place."

Shuhua shakes her head, looking down. "M-Miyeon? Miyeon as in the friend I invited over to our engagement party Miyeon?" The younger woman questioned. Soojin could only nod her head. "B-But that was just one time, right?" Shuhua says, shaky, and hoping that it was. But judging the way Soojin lowered her head down, Shuhua deflated. "So it wasn't just one time?"

"I'm sorry, Shuhua. I'm really, really sorry."

"But we were going to get married, Soojin." Shuhua started. "Remember? We were gonna hyphenate our last name, and we were gonna move into our new home. We even made love there. Did I do something wrong?"

"No. Of course you didn't do anything wrong, Shuhua. You're perfect. You're amazing, and you're all I could possibly ever dream of."

"Then why did you cheat on me?" Shuhua questioned. "I could understand if it was just a one time thing, because maybe you were just stuck in the past. Maybe because your relationship with her didn't end well and- and- You told me how she broke your heart. You hated her more than anything." The younger woman started to tear up. "I never hurt you. I never made you cry. I always did my best so that you'll never be hurt the way you were before. I-I never-" Shuhua sniffled. "But I guess I was never the type of person you could love the way you loved her."

Shuhua walks past her, and Soojin managed to utter. "W-Where are you going?"

"I need some fresh air. Eat the chicken while it's still hot."

"What time will you be home?"

Shuhua stopped on her tracks again. "I don't know. Just please let me think this through. I can't be in the same room with you right now. I'm sorry." And Shuhua continues to leave the door.

Soojin turned her gaze to the food that the younger woman had prepared for her, and just realized how much she fucked up them up.

Miyeon expected Shuhua by her door a few hours after Soojin left. She also expected a punch or two. The older just didn't expect the younger to smell like fucking booze as she received a hard blow across her face.

"Did you fucking drink?" Miyeon questioned, wiping the blood off her lip the moment she realized that she was bleeding.

"What is it for you if I had a couple of drinks? Why? Are you gonna tell Soojin how much of an addict I am and how you're so much better than me because you're not a burden? So that you could win her over and you'll finally have a happy ending after breaking her heart because you never loved her?"

Miyeon licks the blood off her lip, flinching at the sting and the taste of copper. "No, I would never do that. And Soojin isn't a prize to win over." The older woman hissed softly at she wipes off the blood from her lower lip again. "And I never not loved her. And we're the same, Shuhua."

"No, we're not." Shuhua paused. "So this is where you brought my fiancée everyday after acting like my friend. Two-faced bitch."

"You've been sober for 4 years now. Why did you waste all that effort for a heartbreak?"

"Easy for you to say, Miyeon. Whatever you do, Soojin would love you either way. All these years, I'm scared that if I slip up, she would stop loving me. That I would hurt her the way you did and leave me because I couldn't be the best version of myself."

"Shuhua..."

"I even lied about being sober for 4 years. I've only been sober for 2 years. I stopped taking any alcoholic drinks when I fell in love with her." Shuhua licks her lips. "She helped a lot. Apparently the thought of losing her made me lose myself in a second that I couldn't care of the outcome when I had a couple of drinks."

"Don't be dependent on her too much, Shuhua."

"Okay, stop trying to change the subject. You're not my fucking counselor, Miyeon."

"I'm not trying to change the subject." Miyeon retorted. "You're not the only one trying to be perfect all the time in the relationship, Shuhua. You're not the only one always trying your best so Soojin doesn't fucking bail on you. Stop depending on her so much so she actually knows how to stand on her own feet and stop revolving her world around you."

Shuhua froze. She's never thought that. Now she realized when she recalls how Soojin would always agree on whatever she decides and wants. Soojin had her whole world centered around her, and Shuhua never realized.

"I know I'm pretty shit right now, and I'm an asshole for taking your fiancée behind your back. But just forgive Soojin. You don't have to forgive me. I haven't been in your life for long anyways, and we'll probably not see each other again after this-"

"Isn't that a little unfair?" Shuhua started. "Your affair destroyed me, so why should I be the one to lower myself down and just accept what you guys did?"

"I'm sorry." Miyeon said, realizing she never really apologized. "And I actually know partly of being an addict. Well, mostly." She smiled. "I was a drug addict."

Shuhua chuckled as she leaned against the doorframe. "So she has a thing for addicts?"

"I know it's your life and I'm in no position to dictate on how you should live it, but I hope you can be sober for yourself and stop depending on the person next to you just so that they'll stay." Miyeon says, releasing a sigh. "I know you see me as a rival or a snake right now, but I mean it when I say that I was your friend." The older woman started. "I never intended to hurt you. I was just blinded of how much I wanted Soojin to be mine. I actually thought that she will always be the same, that she will always be in love with me. But I think she's grown to love you."

Shuhua's eyebrows meet halfway.

"I just hope that if you do decide to let yourself forgive her that you would spend a little time actually getting to know what Soojin likes rather than what she hates."

"You're still a dick and I'm not forgiving you if that's what you're thinking." Shuhua says. "At least I got to be the better person for once." She chuckled a bit. "I won't let you off the hook with a cheap apology. Spend a lifetime actually making it up to me."

Miyeon didn't have a problem with that.

When Shuhua came back to her shared apartment with Soojin, the older woman was still where she left her.

"Shuhua." Soojin wakes up to the sound of the ruckus in the bedroom. "Y-You're home." Soojin's eyes wavered to the luggage that laid on the floor. "Oh." She nods her head when realized where this was going.

"I need to leave for a few days, maybe weeks. I just need to have a fresh start." The younger woman says. Soojin's heart break a little when her eyes laid on the promise ring that she gave to Shuhua on the bedside table. "You can leave this apartment if you want. You can also stay at our supposed to be home if you want. You still own half of it afterall."

"So we're breaking up?"

"Yeah." Shuhua responded coldly. Soojin never really expected anything after what she did.

"You don't have to be the one to leave, Shuhua."

"Look, Soojin." Shuhua starts. "We both need this, okay? I need a fresh start, and you need time to think things over. It won't do both of us good if we just stay like this forever." Shuhua finished as she closed up her luggage. "I'll be staying with Yuqi for a while. Don't look for me. I'll contact you when I'm ready. Just know that you're free to do whatever you want. Date someone else or go back with Miyeon. Don't reserve yourself for me, because I probably won't be there to pick you up."

Soojin called Soyeon the day after. Soyeon comforted her friend the whole ride through the break-up.

"Hi, I'm Shuhua and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for 2 months now and this is my first day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope i didn't lose the storyline too much. the next chapter is gonna be the end, and i'll probably write the ending for your name is written on my skin after it. thanks for reading! comment your thoughts about this chapter, i love reading them. :)


	6. Chapter 6

Shuhua drives pass her used to be shared apartment with Soojin for the first few weeks after their break-up. Although she did walk out with balls as big as a wrecking ball, she still think it was kind of mean of her to walk out like that when they were close to marrying each other. She was kinda glad Yuqi was babysitting her dogs for the moment. Or else it wouldn't been a hard thing walking out since her dogs prefered Soojin over her most of the time.

Shuhua stopped driving pass the neighborhood when she didn't see Soojin taking out the trash like usual at 5 in the afternoon. She thinks, maybe the older woman decided to move into their supposed to be home. But when Shuhua decided to pay a little visit there, her ex was nowhere be found. Only the dust, spider webs, and white clothings greeted her the moment she got inside. At that, she smiled at the realization that Soojin did go back with Miyeon the moment she was out of the picture. Shuhua was still in contact with the person her ex cheated on her with, but why would she even expect Miyeon to tell her everything after she gave Soojin permission to move on and get back with Miyeon.

Shuhua decided to focus on herself for the past few weeks more. Only living off deliveries, fast foods and processed goods to get by. She can't deny missing Soojin's cooking everytime she forced herself to eat her meal to not die at least. The good thing she ever did was not drink a drop of alcohol. She's proud of herself for that.

Being cheated on was not something she's ever thought of having happen to her. Shuhua guesses that she was too confident in herself sometimes that she never thought that Soojin would ever look at somebody else but her the moment they got together.

After the first two months of the same cycle, Shuhua decided to join a group therapy. She thinks it was best for her to meet new people that had the same addiction as her. Plus, it would keep her from thinking about Soojin and the break-up. Yuqi helped. Soyeon did visit her a couple of times, and each times, she denied herself of the comfort of asking how Soojin was doing.

Miyeon visited Soojin sometimes. She didn't want to cross any more lines than she's already have, and she understood that she didn't stand a chance anymore. She was just there for Soojin as a friend. It still stings like rubbing a salt in the wound, she thinks about just being a friend to the woman she's been in love with half her life. But at least she was there now. Not miles away in rehab with no reassurance of ever coming out of it.

Soojin worked part-time sometimes in Minnie's restaurant the first month of the break-up to get it off her mind, but still managed to get to her work every weekdays. That's where most of her income comes from every month afterall before opening her own business

Soojin visited her supposed to be new home with Shuhua when she was leaving their used to be shared apartment. Everything was still brand new and unused. Except maybe for the bed upstairs in the master's bedroom, she smiled to herself. Everything was just as how they left them. Except for the flowers they promised to change the water the time they would hyphenate their last name. Soojin left the withered flowers there as they wrinkled into nothing.

She did come back a week after. This time, with a new bouquet of flowers in hand. Soojin has been into flowers lately, especially the scents that different flowers carried. She was into them for a long time anyway, which is why she took the florist path first before going back to college to pursue accountancy.

Soojin dropped the flowers she was carrying to the ground at the sight of the flowers she left resurrected back to life. "Maybe Shuhua hired a caretaker..." She muttered. Despite the thought, she went and spent every penny she had, quit her job as an auditor and went and live in her new flower shop. It was a bit excessive, she thinks. She just needed to have a little bit of chance to be a establishment that Shuhua buys flowers from. Though she can't look for Shuhua herself, at least she can be found by the younger woman. Soojin is just glad that the establishment she rented had a room that she could sleep in.

On her first month being a florist, she decided to give up on the thought on ever bumping into Shuhua again. As usual, Miyeon would come occasionally to her shop to help her out. Well, maybe they kissed once- twice. Once when they were both drunk with Soojin saying she wasn't vulnerable and pulled Miyeon in. Second was when they finished prepping the bouquet of flowers for the first day. The hugged for a few seconds. Miyeon took Soojin to the dance floor like the old times, she knew how much Soojin loved dancing. As usual, they were dancing to nothing. Just the sound of their heartbeats. For the last time, Soojin's heart beats for the older while Miyeon knew her heart will long for Soojin once again because of it, and things happened. Although they talked about it and said that would be the last time. Soojin just needed the reassurance that none of what they had was a lie, although they will never have that again. They were okay now.

The first week of therapy was a big help for Shuhua. Everyone shared their past as if they've known the group members for a long time. Shuhua guesses it was because they felt connected in a way with their alcohol problems and felt that they would be accepted and understood regardless of their imperfection. Although Shuhua never said her addiction starting when she saw her father's lifeless body with slits all over his wrists. Shuhua is highkey thankful that her mother never left her kid to kill herself too. Maybe partly that's why she almost done it herself but couldn't when she saw Soojin having a meltdown in the rooftop where she planned her death. February 3rd.

When Shuhua thinks about it now, she admits to herself that she was always dependant on Soojin from then. Everything she did revolved around the older woman. Whether she wanted to slip up, get drunk on a couple of drinks and wake up with strangers. Or the time when she couldn't care less about walking on the street with the light still green. Shuhua would never let Soojin feel how she felt when her favorite person died on her, never thought twice of how his daughter would react when she sees his dead body in the living room.

But Shuhua told Miyeon about it. What are the odds? Well, not literally. Shuhua just recorded herself while she was having one of her depression sessions while she was locked up in her apartment with nothing but the depth of her fucking sorrow, and binge-watched the whole 5 seasons of Jane The Virgin.

Shuhua asked Miyeon in the middle of the audio clip how Soojin was and what she has been up to. Miyeon said she moved out and started a new business. Shuhua refused to hear anything further than that. She was just happy that the older woman moved on. A lot quicker than she hoped her to, there's that. Miyeon just gave her, she guessed, Soojin's business card that she never bothered to lay her eyes upon but still kept it in her wallet where Soojin's picture stayed.

Shuhua drove back to where her home with Soojin was supposed to be. But of course, Shuhua being who she was forgot to buy flowers for the new vase she recently bought. She turned for a quick stop at the nearest flower shop and picked out the best one out of the bunch. "Excuse-" Well Shuhua's jaw dropped. "B-Babe- I mean, Soo-Soojin."

"Shu." The older woman greeted, unconsciously rubbing the back of her neck at the sight of her ex. "What brings you here?" Soojin questioned.

"U-Um- Oh this." Shuhua pointed at the bouquet in her hand. "I stopped at the nearest flower shop I could find."

"Got a date?" Soojin questioned, taking the flowers from Shuhua as she walked back inside. Shuhua followed her in. "I would suggest red roses for that, but you can choose too of course."

"I don't have a date. I'm not quiet ready for that yet with my history." Shuhua added. Soojin went quiet for a second that the younger questioned. "So how have you been?"

"G-Great. Uhm- How- How have you been?"

"I've been getting by. Still getting used to living alone again, I guess." She smiled. "And I've been going to therapy for the past two weeks. It's been a big help for me, I guess. I got to talk with people who have gone through the same addiction as I have."

"That's good."

"Why didn't you stay at our house?" The younger starts.

"Oh... that's..." Soojin took her bottom lip between her teeth. "I couldn't. I mean, it was supposed to be our new home after... you know, if we got married. Plus, I thought I could start doing what I want, despite the circumstances."

"I never knew you liked flowers." Shuhua muttered, still enough for Soojin to hear. She's never given Soojin flowers or took her to dances that Soojin used to love when they were still only dating.

"Well, now you know." She smiled. Right, what ex wouldn't be still head over heels for Soojin? "I used to think I was pretty much into music. I mean, I still am. I use Soyeon's recording studio from time to time. She taught me how to use them, though I delete the audios I record everytime I finish. I'm not that good in singing anyway."

"You have a beautiful voice. That comes from someone who overhears you singing in the shower everyday." Shuhua said. When it was silent again, she decides to break it with a question. "Why didn't you tell me you liked music that much?"

"I wish I did, and all the other things. I guess I'm just scared of being judged and-"

"You know that I would never. I loved it when you were so passionate about something."

"I know. The problem wasn't with you, Shuhua. I wasn't used to voicing out my needs and what I wanted. I just focused on not losing you. I guess that backfired because of the past coming back to kick me in the ass. I never really settled anything with Miyeon back then. I just left and avoided her at all times. Never knew what I needed was reassurance that all the love and effort I gave for the two of us wasn't just part of a lie. But that doesn't justify me breaking your heart." Soojin licks her bottom lip. "And I'm sorry. I'll never stop being sorry for what I've done."

"We can't go back and change everything." Shuhua sighed. "But we don't have to treat each other like strangers or a mere acquintance."

"Here."

"How much is it?" The younger questioned.

"No worries. It's on the house." The older woman smiled.

Shuhua nodded, taking the bouquet of flowers from Soojin. "I was on my way to our house, you know... you can come with me if you'd like."

Soojin rubbed the back of her neck. Something she normally does when she's awkward and nervous. "Sorry. It's kind of a hectic day for me right now." Her smile faded a little. "I was gonna ask Miyeon to help me for the day. I haven't had the time to prep the flowers earlier."

"I'll help you out."

"It's okay. I don't wanna bother-"

"I'm not that busy. Plus, Miyeon's got a thing today. Her cousin is getting married."

"Oh? I didn't know that."

"She'll come rushing whatever her event is if you're the one to need her though." Shuhua smiled. "Come on, it's been a really boring week for me. I need to do something out of the ordinary for once."

"Well, uhm... Just take the flowers out of the vases and put them in a bouquet. I just did them last night. I forgot to put them in a bouquet in the morning. Soyeon called me and cried to me about some handsome guy she met but didn't get the chance to ask for his number."

"Yeah, she cried to me about that too." Shuhua chuckled a bit as she takes off her jacket. "It's hot here."

"I'm not good with the cold..." Soojin muttered. "But I can turn down the temperature if you want." Soojin said.

"Nah, it's okay. I just felt hot because of this gigantic, thick jacket." She smiled. It was the jacket that Soojin bought for her. Shuhua never knew about it since it was on her birthday, and she only waits for one thing for her birthday. Definitely not the presents, but licking every icing on Soojin's body. "So where do we start?"

One time became two times, until Shuhua went to Soojin's flower shop everyday to help her out early in the morning. Shuhua hated waking up early, that's some effort when she thinks about it. Soojin didn't bother. She said she's grateful for the help. And during the span of time, Shuhua found out that Soojin and Miyeon never dated during those two months.

Soojin expected Shuhua to come back again, like she always does everyday for the past 2 weeks. She's a little surprised to see Miyeon after 3 weeks. Although they do still talk through calls and text. "Hi." The older woman greets her.

"Hey, you. You've been gone for a long time." Soojin smiled. "How have you been?"

"I've been great." Miyeon smiled. "Minnie begged me to be her waiter since the last one quit his job. Turns out it wasn't easy to be a waiter, I ached all over almost every good job well done. I wanted the pay too anyways, so I didn't bother being stingy." She shared. "How about you? I heard Shuhua comes to help everyday."

"Yeah." Soojin smiled. "She's been a big help. I might need to hire someone soon. It's hard working alone."

"I'm free to hire. I need the extra money. I'm broke now." Miyeon smiled.

"Or you just want to get Minnie off your butt."

"I work two jobs my whole adult life. She can't call me jobless."

"You quit your two jobs two months ago, may I just remind you."

"Well..." Miyeon smiled, just before pulling Soojin by the hip and put the younger's other hand on her shoulder while taking Soojin's left hand between hers. "That gives me more time to dance with you." She smiled. Soojin thinks she'll never ever forget about Cho Miyeon, considering she's her first love and her first at everything. Guess that's a part of her why people who knew her claimed she's someone who'll bring the people she loves in her heart to her death.

"You're a little shit."

Miyeon smiled when she felt Soojin hiding her face against the older's shoulder. "Your little shit." She said before sighing. "I think I'll love you forever." Soojin pulled away. "Are you okay with that?"

"Miyeon..." Soojin uttered. "You have so much love to give. Please don't limit it to me." She paused, pursing her lips together. "You deserve to be loved back. I know you might not feel that because of some mistakes you made in the past. But that's just a dark turn in your life, it doesn't define you."

"If I could go back and change everything..." Miyeon muttered. "But I guess some things are just not meant to be. You're not my soulmate and I'm not yours. I guess the forever we spent in our little time will just be a part of the past."

The door opened, and Shuhua smiled at both of them.

Soojin smiled back as Miyeon did. "See you again, Soojin." Miyeon said to the younger before giving a smile to Shuhua one last time. "Hi." She said just before leaving.

"What was that?" Shuhua smiled, a bit weirded out.

"We just talked about something." Soojin smiled again. And they proceeded opening the flower shop for yet another day. Soojin still had Miyeon in her mind the whole day.

"I think you need to start giving me salary." Shuhua joked. She enjoys spending everyday with Soojin. If anything, she would pay to have this job forever. "I'm just joking." She said when Soojin could only look at her, in a daze.

"Y-Yeah. I'm sorry, I just have something in mind."

"Oh... okay." Shuhua nodded her head slightly as she finished tying her shoelace. "Also, if it's not too bothersome... can I keep working here?" She questioned. Shuhua doesn't even let the older respond before she added. "You don't have to pay me or anything. I still earn money from my investments so I'd still get by. Actually no, scratch that."

"Why would you want to keep working here?" Soojin chuckled a bit.

"I don't know. Maybe to spend more time with you?" Shuhua reasoned, biting her bottom lip. "I just want to stay close to you as possible, to know you more, to spend more time falling in love with you rather than rush into a relationship like before." She sighed. "What I'm saying is... I want to start dating, little by little. If you're okay with having me."

"Shuhua, I was a bitch to you." Soojin started. "I kept secrets. I went behind you back and never made you feel loved. Why would you want to get back with me? There's so many girls out there who are prettier and younger than me."

"But they're not you. You're the prettiest for me, and I couldn't care less if you start growing white hair all of a sudden. It would be amazing to observe every little thing about you changing as we grow old together."

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to try." Soojin smiled. "Just not soon." She added. Shuhua didn't have a problem with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would've given miyeon a happy ending since it's her birthday today, but it wouldn't go well with the story. i hope i did the ending justice and didn't rush it too much. thanks for reading. comment your thoughts about this story, i love reading them.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is more focused on the cheating part and misoo's past story, not miyeon's past drug problem (though it will still be talked about) or sooshu's story. this fic will likely have smut on every chapter after this.


End file.
